Much like Joe Janes, Jay Steigmann is a writing instructor and director for the Second City training center. She’s also written and directed several one act plays around Chicago. I met up with her on Monday to discuss the script. Here are a few notes from that meeting:

The first 10 pages are a good hook. Definitely brought her in. Jeff, the main character has good heart. Marcus the agent is really good. Pops off the page.

- The character of Kate is introduced in the first scene and comes off like a main character, but then we never see her again. What gives? He has a crush on her but it goes unresolved. He later moves onto Laura, the main love interest of the story. Jay doesn’t buy his feeling for her. Is he the type of guy who always falls for girls all the time? If so, then he would get over her pretty easily, right? They seem like the same girl. Feelings need to be better defined.

- The more serious scenes, at the end of the second act, could be shorter. The pace slows. Not much humor in them either. What’s a way to make them funnier without affecting the seriousness of the scenes?

- The character of Tim: Jay started off loving him, but towards the end she disliked him greatly. He’s inconsistent. At his party, what’s up with him? Same with outside the movie theater. His playfulness is lost.

- Question arises again: Where’s his money? Needs to be a good reason why he’s not rich. Charity? Divorce? We know the company is screwing him over, but he should then be more vocal about where his money is.

Over all she enjoyed it, which is great. I’ve sent the script out to some other readers and friends who will be involved. I’m at the beginning stages of casting and rehearsing. Oh man, I’m getting really excited!

The first person to read my script is Joe Janes of Bite and Smile. Who’s Joe Janes? According to his blog:

Joe is a writer, director and actor in Chicago. He teaches at The Second City Training Center and at Columbia College. He is also a senior writer/director at Fig Media, Inc.

I met Joe at Second City and felt he was an excellent writer and teacher. He’s currently writing a new sketch every day for the entire year! Learn all about that on his blog.

Joe is also the narrator in Wheelchair Werewolf.

Anyway, he had the script for about a week and emailed me this:

Joe – I don’t think we really need to get together unless you want the in-person experience of me holding your hands and staring dreamily into your eyes and telling you how awesome the screenplay is. Because it is. Very, very funny and you better put me in it.
Minor notes
- I don’t think you need the scene in the liquor store. I think everything done and said there can happen at the party.
- The only overall plot thing I was unclear about is why is Jeff so poor? His face and name are on all these products, they’re sold everywhere, what’s the deal? I understand Marcus ripping him off, but to do so to that extreme really makes Jeff look stupid. I that’s the case. Maybe I missed something. Is he giving most of his money away to charity or something?
- Run it through a spell and grammar check.
Congratulations!
Joe

Sweet, he likes it. That’s a relief. I still have 2 more readers to discuss it with before I move forward.

I meet with the next writer tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to a conversation with another person who’s read it with a critical eye. I’ve gone over it so many times I don’t even know what’s what anymore…

Scatterbrained placed second in last year’s Second City Film festival! We’re even on their web site.

Some jerk named Logan Hall got first… Just kidding! He’s cool.

A while back, some comedy theater called Second City held a short film fest, and the results are finally in! I’m pleased to say Time Gun took 3rd! Woooooooooooord…

In second place is a short made by my friend Erik Gernand called Do You Have a Minute? My pal Josh Hanson stars in it, too. Look at me! I know every one! (except the dude who got first)

So as a special encore, here’s Time Gun: