a genius film maker & comedian at large
Aphex Twin Selected Ambient Works 85-92
I listen to this album 2 times a day. Sometimes 3. It’s the perfect album to get lost in while reading, writing, or brain storming.
Aphex Twin can have some crazy stuff, but this album of all mellow ambient tracks is perfect for drowning out outside distractions without being distracting itself. It helps me get into the zone.
Check it out: Someone was nice enough to make a youtube playlist of this album. Neat-o!
Erik is a fellow Chicago film maker who got into SXSW. We met up the other day at Starbucks for a brief meeting about the script:
Erik’s notes were primarily on Jeff and Marcus’s relationship. It wasn’t clear why Jeff was still around, and what their business relationship is.
It’s clear Marcus is trying to screw Jeff over. But why? What are the stakes? How do these 2 coexist? If the relationship is: Jeff needs Marcus to get his products out and Marcus needs Jeff to make money (it is), this needs to be clearer.
We need a clearer build to Marcus’s take over. What are the rules of this business in regards to how he’s taking said power. A little more added is all it needs. Don’t go crazy with the details and explanations because that’s not what it’s about.
Jeff takes off all of his clothes while running down the street, this is a symbolic gesture, but it needs to be better defined.
What’s the quitting payoff? He says the whole movie he wants to do something great. Does he succeed or fail? The charity work at the end seems to dance around his want, but doesn’t pay off. Regardless of its turnout, it should be more invention based, and have a definitive pay off.
Much like Joe Janes, Jay Steigmann is a writing instructor and director for the Second City training center. She’s also written and directed several one act plays around Chicago. I met up with her on Monday to discuss the script. Here are a few notes from that meeting:
The first 10 pages are a good hook. Definitely brought her in. Jeff, the main character has good heart. Marcus the agent is really good. Pops off the page.
- The character of Kate is introduced in the first scene and comes off like a main character, but then we never see her again. What gives? He has a crush on her but it goes unresolved. He later moves onto Laura, the main love interest of the story. Jay doesn’t buy his feeling for her. Is he the type of guy who always falls for girls all the time? If so, then he would get over her pretty easily, right? They seem like the same girl. Feelings need to be better defined.
- The more serious scenes, at the end of the second act, could be shorter. The pace slows. Not much humor in them either. What’s a way to make them funnier without affecting the seriousness of the scenes?
- The character of Tim: Jay started off loving him, but towards the end she disliked him greatly. He’s inconsistent. At his party, what’s up with him? Same with outside the movie theater. His playfulness is lost.
- Question arises again: Where’s his money? Needs to be a good reason why he’s not rich. Charity? Divorce? We know the company is screwing him over, but he should then be more vocal about where his money is.
Over all she enjoyed it, which is great. I’ve sent the script out to some other readers and friends who will be involved. I’m at the beginning stages of casting and rehearsing. Oh man, I’m getting really excited!
The first person to read my script is Joe Janes of Bite and Smile. Who’s Joe Janes? According to his blog:
Joe is a writer, director and actor in Chicago. He teaches at The Second City Training Center and at Columbia College. He is also a senior writer/director at Fig Media, Inc.
I met Joe at Second City and felt he was an excellent writer and teacher. He’s currently writing a new sketch every day for the entire year! Learn all about that on his blog.
Joe is also the narrator in Wheelchair Werewolf.
Anyway, he had the script for about a week and emailed me this:
Joe – I don’t think we really need to get together unless you want the in-person experience of me holding your hands and staring dreamily into your eyes and telling you how awesome the screenplay is. Because it is. Very, very funny and you better put me in it.
Minor notes
- I don’t think you need the scene in the liquor store. I think everything done and said there can happen at the party.
- The only overall plot thing I was unclear about is why is Jeff so poor? His face and name are on all these products, they’re sold everywhere, what’s the deal? I understand Marcus ripping him off, but to do so to that extreme really makes Jeff look stupid. I that’s the case. Maybe I missed something. Is he giving most of his money away to charity or something?
- Run it through a spell and grammar check.
Congratulations!
Joe
Sweet, he likes it. That’s a relief. I still have 2 more readers to discuss it with before I move forward.
I meet with the next writer tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to a conversation with another person who’s read it with a critical eye. I’ve gone over it so many times I don’t even know what’s what anymore…
I’m done with the second draft. Now I’m going to give the script to certain readers for feedback. I’ve kicked around this thing for over a month, and I’m ‘in too deep’. Some fresh outsider perspective, and time off, will be perfect to get me out of my writing doldrums.
Who to give it to and why
Various readers have been confirmed. They will be introduced to you along with their feedback once I get it. When picking your reader(s) there are some important tips I want to hip you to.
Your ideal reader should have all or most of these qualities:
Top of the list: you’ll want readers who understand the writing craft. Doesn’t need to be a millionaire novelist or cutthroat publicist. Find someone who writes, has written, knows the process of writing, and the importance of readers. Non-writers lacking the understanding of the craft won’t have the insight as to what you need from them.
You’ll need someone who knows the language of writing. Some one familiar with story structure, character, plot development, etc. and can carry on a conversation about it.
They need to be familiar with the formatting of a script. A script is not a book. There is much less detail, it’s dialog heavy and sometimes includes shot instructions. It’s difficult to get into a script the first time you read one, especially for a movie that you haven’t seen. I think the clunky nature of a script formatting could turn a lot of people off.
Don’t use your parents. They love you. That’s great. But what you need now is honesty. Criticism. Loved ones will skew their feedback in an effort to (hopefully) make you feel good. It’s sweet, but won’t help your script. Same goes for your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/lover.*
Potential actors in the film could work, but only if you have yet to assign them a part. If you give your lead the script to review, most of the notes you get back will have less to do with the story and more to do with what cool shit he/she could also do.
Do not give your draft away expecting praise. Furthermore, when you hand it over, don’t add your neurotic notes:
I know the 2nd act needs work.
The main character isn’t fully developed yet.
I’m going to cut some of the scenes, I promise.
Relax. If these things are a problem, your reader will pick up on it. That’s their job.
Give them a few days. When they finish, engage your reader in a discussion about the script. Bring a tape recorder. Actually, a digital one would be better. Keep the meeting loose. It should feel more like a conversation about the script than an interview. Pay very close attention to what stuck with the reader, and what they didn’t talk about. Good or bad. These readers are like a pre-test audience for your film. Be respectful to their opinion. Don’t take anything personally!
Finally, when it’s over, you get to choose which elements of their notes you will incorporate into your next draft. You don’t have to listen to everything they say, but outside input can be just what you were looking for to make this motherfucker dynamite. That’s right.
Joe
*Steven King uses his wife as his reader, so what the fuck do I know?
