Much like Joe Janes, Jay Steigmann is a writing instructor and director for the Second City training center. She’s also written and directed several one act plays around Chicago. I met up with her on Monday to discuss the script. Here are a few notes from that meeting:
The first 10 pages are a good hook. Definitely brought her in. Jeff, the main character has good heart. Marcus the agent is really good. Pops off the page.
- The character of Kate is introduced in the first scene and comes off like a main character, but then we never see her again. What gives? He has a crush on her but it goes unresolved. He later moves onto Laura, the main love interest of the story. Jay doesn’t buy his feeling for her. Is he the type of guy who always falls for girls all the time? If so, then he would get over her pretty easily, right? They seem like the same girl. Feelings need to be better defined.
- The more serious scenes, at the end of the second act, could be shorter. The pace slows. Not much humor in them either. What’s a way to make them funnier without affecting the seriousness of the scenes?
- The character of Tim: Jay started off loving him, but towards the end she disliked him greatly. He’s inconsistent. At his party, what’s up with him? Same with outside the movie theater. His playfulness is lost.
- Question arises again: Where’s his money? Needs to be a good reason why he’s not rich. Charity? Divorce? We know the company is screwing him over, but he should then be more vocal about where his money is.
Over all she enjoyed it, which is great. I’ve sent the script out to some other readers and friends who will be involved. I’m at the beginning stages of casting and rehearsing. Oh man, I’m getting really excited!
I met Joe at Second City and felt he was an excellent writer and teacher. He’s currently writing a new sketch every day for the entire year! Learn all about that on his blog.
Anyway, he had the script for about a week and emailed me this:
Joe – I don’t think we really need to get together unless you want the in-person experience of me holding your hands and staring dreamily into your eyes and telling you how awesome the screenplay is. Because it is. Very, very funny and you better put me in it.
Minor notes
- I don’t think you need the scene in the liquor store. I think everything done and said there can happen at the party.
- The only overall plot thing I was unclear about is why is Jeff so poor? His face and name are on all these products, they’re sold everywhere, what’s the deal? I understand Marcus ripping him off, but to do so to that extreme really makes Jeff look stupid. I that’s the case. Maybe I missed something. Is he giving most of his money away to charity or something?
- Run it through a spell and grammar check.
Congratulations!
Joe
Sweet, he likes it. That’s a relief. I still have 2 more readers to discuss it with before I move forward.
I meet with the next writer tomorrow night. I’m looking forward to a conversation with another person who’s read it with a critical eye. I’ve gone over it so many times I don’t even know what’s what anymore…
Hisssssssssssss bad audio hissssssssssss is the hisssssss bane of hisssssssss most filmmaker’s hissssssssssssss existence. hisssssssssss Certainly mine!
Bad sound is, for me, at the top of a list titled: reasons your film sucks. Bad audio will instantly take any viewer out of your short.
That annoying hiss you get comes from several sources. The most common are:
air conditioners
heating
refrigerators
computers
buzzing soda machines
The hum of these appliances go unnoticed in our daily routine, but once it makes its way into your perfect take, it’s all you notice.
What can you do about it? There’s a production solution and a post-production solution, both of which have helped me greatly.
Production Solution
I don’t have a separate microphone. The one on the camera is the one I use. I’ve learned to record my audio separately, after I get all the shots of said scene.
It’s simple: Before you move on to the next scene, have your actors stand close to your camera mic and go through their lines. Pretend it’s a radio play and they’re sharing a mic. When you edit, you’ll have a clean & crisp audio take. You can always record it days later, but doing it right then and there gets it out of the way, and the actors still have the material fresh in their minds. Their performances will match up better.
Don’t forget to get ambient area noise. Record 20-30 seconds (at least the length of the scene) with no one speaking and get a good background audio take. ESPECIALLY if your scene is outside. Again, we tend to not notice airplanes going by, but when the sound is only in your close up and not in the wide shot, everyone will notice when you cut. Pow! Your scene is ruined.
Listen to Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab of channel101.com (They mention more than sound. Great advice. Watch this whole thing!)
Post-Production Solution
I recently shot a short in a wine shop which had 4 different refrigerators running in the background. The audio was crap. I got the ambient background, but it was not enough. I knew this would happen, so I planned to re-record the audio (aka ADR).
The good news is: it wasn’t necessary. ADR is crucial when the audio is unusable, but if the problem is ONLY hissing, let me recommend Adobe Soundbooth. What this program does (among other things) is remove hiss from audio very well.
Its actually pretty simple to clean up, if the raw audio is presented correctly. The way you gave it to me was perfect. Note: I edited my short to completion. Then exported each audio bit one line at a time. Turned out to be 13 4-second tracks. During each audio clip, there were long chunks of speaking, as well as long chunks of silence. Since the hiss is constant throughout both the silent part and the talking part, … I sampled a chunk of the audio that was silent (no speaking), which was filled with loud ass hissing sounds. Once sampled, I can use just that isolated hiss, bring down the noise and decibel level, and apply it to the whole audio clip, which then gets rid of the hissing during the talking parts too. Make sense?
Basically: You select just hiss on a track, select the de-hiss option, and it removes that noise from the track. It also has levels you can control to fine-tune it.
Here’s a little before and after from the Coke Zero sketch:
“Sounds great, Joe, but I don’t have the money to purchase expensive software! I thought you said you weren’t going to spend any money! Choke to death, you bastard!” -You
Easy. I got me a free copy courtesy of Mr. Bit Torrent. If you have some sort of moral compass and don’t want to “steal”, a hiss removal option exists in the free audio program Audacity.
I’m done with the second draft. Now I’m going to give the script to certain readers for feedback. I’ve kicked around this thing for over a month, and I’m ‘in too deep’. Some fresh outsider perspective, and time off, will be perfect to get me out of my writing doldrums.
Who to give it to and why
Various readers have been confirmed. They will be introduced to you along with their feedback once I get it. When picking your reader(s) there are some important tips I want to hip you to.
Your ideal reader should have all or most of these qualities:
understands the writing craft
knows the writing language
familiar with script formatting
not in the film (or doesn’t know it yet)
you respect their work, and therefore, their opinion
they want to see you do better
they have the decency to be honest
Top of the list: you’ll want readers who understand the writing craft. Doesn’t need to be a millionaire novelist or cutthroat publicist. Find someone who writes, has written, knows the process of writing, and the importance of readers. Non-writers lacking the understanding of the craft won’t have the insight as to what you need from them.
You’ll need someone who knows the language of writing. Some one familiar with story structure, character, plot development, etc. and can carry on a conversation about it.
They need to be familiar with the formatting of a script. A script is not a book. There is much less detail, it’s dialog heavy and sometimes includes shot instructions. It’s difficult to get into a script the first time you read one, especially for a movie that you haven’t seen. I think the clunky nature of a script formatting could turn a lot of people off.
Don’t use your parents. They love you. That’s great. But what you need now is honesty. Criticism. Loved ones will skew their feedback in an effort to (hopefully) make you feel good. It’s sweet, but won’t help your script. Same goes for your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/lover.*
Potential actors in the film could work, but only if you have yet to assign them a part. If you give your lead the script to review, most of the notes you get back will have less to do with the story and more to do with what cool shit he/she could also do.
Do not give your draft away expecting praise. Furthermore, when you hand it over, don’t add your neurotic notes: I know the 2nd act needs work.
The main character isn’t fully developed yet.
I’m going to cut some of the scenes, I promise.
Relax. If these things are a problem, your reader will pick up on it. That’s their job.
Give them a few days. When they finish, engage your reader in a discussion about the script. Bring a tape recorder. Actually, a digital one would be better. Keep the meeting loose. It should feel more like a conversation about the script than an interview. Pay very close attention to what stuck with the reader, and what they didn’t talk about. Good or bad. These readers are like a pre-test audience for your film. Be respectful to their opinion. Don’t take anything personally!
Finally, when it’s over, you get to choose which elements of their notes you will incorporate into your next draft. You don’t have to listen to everything they say, but outside input can be just what you were looking for to make this motherfucker dynamite. That’s right.
Joe
*Steven King uses his wife as his reader, so what the fuck do I know?
